Funnies

Okay, so I'm going through my H drive on the school computers and coming up with a ton of stuff that I had saved and never posted, although I intended to. Hope you enjoy. Mostly they are funnies that I got as forwards and such.....

Marijuana-filled Firewood

'Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?'

'Yes. What can I do for you?'

'I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith... He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there.'

'Thank you very much for the call sir.'

The next day, twelve Deputy Sheriffs descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using azes, they burst open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.

'Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd... Did the Sheriff come?'

'Yeah!'

'Did they chop your firewood?'

'Yep!'

Happy Birthday, buddy!'

(Rednecks know how to get'r done!!!)

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A Godless Week

Without God our week would be:

Sinday, Mournday, Tearsday, Wasteday, Thirstday, Fightday, & Shatterday!

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Hymns for Speeders

Now, for those who speed on the highway - a few hymns for you:

45 mph..........God Will Take Care of You

55 mph..........Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah

65 mph..........Nearer My God to Thee

75 mph..........Nearer Still Nearer

85 mph..........This World is Not My Home

95 mph..........Lord, I'm Coming Home

and over 100 mph..........Precious Memories

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Star Wars Dining

Luke and Obi-Wan went out to eat in a Chinese restaurant one day. Obi-Wan is deftly manipulating his chopsticks with the ease you would expect from a Jedi Master.

Poor Luke, however, is having a hard time using his chop-sticks. He is trying to use the sticks with both hands, dropping his food all over the table and eventually, himself. Obi-Wan looked at Luke disapprovingly and says, "Use the forks, Luke."

Hope you all enjoyed!